Still waiting...
Todd and I want to express our thanks for the prayers and support! Yes, we are still waiting! I've been too mad and brat-like to blog lately. I'm sorry to those who love criticquing my grammar, I'm sure you've been in withdrawals. I'm also sorry this is so long. I need to do this more than once a month!
On April 16th we finally got an update concerning Shaunti's paperwork. Sadly, we didn't receive word to travel, instead we got this:
"The adoption deed was written wrong by the court and rejected by the passport office. The attorney has filed for a new deed and they are waiting on that to be completed. Once this is in hand, they will continue with the passport."
The adoption is final but the decree (2-3 pages!!) has to be corrected and resubmitted to the passport office. We hope the passport office will pick up where they left off rather than stick us at the back of the line. While I'm an optimist, we have to be realistic and expect that we could wait another 2 months from April 16 (I'm guessing this based on the typical wait time for a passport).
About a week before the delay I said to Todd, "I don't want to be so consumed by the unknowns that I miss an opportunity for us to grow in the midst of the waiting." Yeah well, opportunity granted! Let me set the stage concerning news about the delay: Tears, TICKED-OFF, would have thrown myself in the floor but knew my kids would mimic this irrational behavior and take their own thrashing about to a new level. Todd finally said: "Babe, I'll put the kids down, why don't you go have some time alone!" Get the picture?
Todd and I just cringe at the thought of the paperwork sitting in a stack somewhere: RIGHT THERE!!! on someone's desk! Pray for "that person" with the file on their desk or "that person" who is diligently working to correct this! Pray there's a Go-getter in the mix somewhere!
Dear Go-Getter:
It's me, the one across the ocean. I'm the one pulling my hair out and walking in circles around the house. I'm the one buying countless amounts of power bars, miniature packs of toilet paper and travel supplies in preparation for a trip to your amazing sub-continent!! I know you probably have mounds of paperwork but if you see the stack with the adorable little girl grinning from ear to ear...she's ours, that's the one! Would you kindly issue her the necessary paperwork? We really want her swimming in pools, picking blueberries, eating ice cream and participating in the Lewis-living-room dance parties very soon! We know you're the one to make it happen!
Kindest Regards,
Extremely Impatient (but trying to make the best of it)
Let's be honest here, Go-getter didn't get the memo but somehow I feel better:) I've always heard you should write a letter about how you are feeling then destroy it. Hmm. Not only have I caught myself wearing my shirt inside out, now I'm writing letters to Go-getter? Does anyone see a pattern of craziness here?
OK so here comes that part where I talk about hope and Jesus and stuff. Forget Go-getter and let's talk about the One who actually hears.
Waiting...it's so painful. It's so annoying. It's clearly driving me crazy! It makes me cuss!! (sorry Mama)
BUT. However! Let me finish....
As I consider the waiting and choose to occasionally suck in the pouty lip, I'm able to recognize the refinement that is being ushered in with this wait.
Refinement The word itself honestly just sounds painful! Refinement is a process and the Refiner is intentional in his quest to purify not to destroy.
As a believer my hope is found in the promises of God's Word and the finished work of Jesus Christ. I have hope that while I was still a sinner Jesus Christ died. See at just the right time, when I was unable (powerless) Christ died for me, the ungodly (Romans 5) to bring me into a relationship with a perfect righteous God. In His mercy, He didn't require me to get myself together and THEN come to Him. I will confess, I haven't always seen it that way. I recall repeatedly telling myself : "Next time I will do better" or "I will get it together, stop "that" sin then I'll be in a better condition when I go to God". Well I never got ready, I just kept screwing it up. Yet in His mercy, while I was powerless, He met me in the midst of my sin, in the deepest depths of it. Finally I understood that He was the only one getting it right when I kept getting it so wrong. Since all have fallen short of God's glory, then I need someone to reconcile me back into a relationship with God, that someone is Christ. He reconciled me to God once and for all because my goodness couldn't and will never be good enough.
Part of this redemptive work is growing in Christ-likeness or being refined (some call it sanctification). This process of refinement is never said to be easy but purposeful. Consider 1 Peter 1:6-7 We can rejoice (as a believer) because we know that this grief, suffering, or trial is proving in us a genuine faith that will ultimately glorify God. James 1:2-4 says that trial create perseverance. Hebrews 12:5-10 God reminds me that He disciplines us because He loves us and for our good, not our destruction.
I've always loved running. Anytime I've set out to run faster, longer or harder I've reached a point when I'm sure one of the following will occur: a) I will die b) quit c) nearly die; however, if I expect to run faster I have to be pushed by a faster runner (y'all know who you are). If I want to run longer I need to know there's a finish line. I have to hope in the finish line! Refinement feels similarly. While at times I think I can't stand it any more I'm reminded that this isn't to destroy me and there's a finish line ahead. There's a point of completion when Shaunti will be home and there's an eternal completion for those who are in Christ.
I have to say: it's nasty! I was shocked at some of the mess that has risen to the surface (just the fact that I was shocked should say something about my pride!). This waiting has shown me sin that was covered over by the cuties: cute smile, cute outfits, cute orphans. Under it all was some nasty stuff: pride, doubt, arrogance, jealousy (and I'll stop while I'm ahead). Before I came into a relationship with Christ the nasty stuff took different forms (which most of you could attest to and I'm still apologizing to folks 20 years later)! So my life before Christ, and my sin thereafter, make it clear to me that relying on my righteousnes will continually fail me so I choose to rely on His promises, His truth, His goodness.
So while I want our girl home NOW. I have to stop hoping in the Go-getter (although should you read this I think you are awesome!) the passport office or the final call! My hope is in the Lord. I'm expectant. I'm tired but expectant that He will finish this work to bring Shaunti home. I believe He's using this situation to make this sinner more like her Redeemer. The Refiner has plans for a finished work.
Maybe you are tired of waiting or suffering? Maybe you think all my Jesus talk is really getting on your nerves. Where are you placing your hope? Hope in Christ. Look away from yourself and look to Him. Remind me to continually do the same.
Keep the prayers coming friends. I know God will bring her home in His timing. "Lord I believe, help my unbelief!"
Gwen
