I can't believe Shanti has been with us nearly a month. In some ways it seems like it's been forever in other ways it's very brand new. A friend told me she's been following us on Facebook. She asked if it's going as well as it seems? To which I replied, "Did you read my blog post about how Facebook will deceive you?" ha.
http://www.lewisfamilyfive.blogspot.com/2013/07/a-perfectly-facebook-life.html
Overall our day-to-day adjustment is going well. The volume of 3 kiddos has been different but honestly the challenge is the emotional energy expended each day not so much the extra volume.
Pryce has been very nurturing and a comfort to Shanti. She's been a huge help to me and I'm thankful for how God has prepared her. She told me after the first week that it's tiring work being a big sister. I told her honestly it's tiring work being a mommy too. That's why big sisters and mommy's need breaks! We talked about ways to give her some downtime. Close friends have been so kind in offering to let P come over for playdates or outings. A few nights ago Pryce was hugging Shanti at bedtime and whispered to me, "Mom I just love her so much" and you can tell. The language barrier has probably been hardest for Pryce because she wants to launch into an American Girl doll extravaganza with S but she doesn't have the words yet to get lost in Pryce's AG, Little Pet Shop or Barbie world! With that said we are seeing Shanti pretend play some so I think it's on the horizon:)
Knox treats Shanti likes she's been around forever (in good and bad ways;). A friend asked him a few weeks ago, "How do you like having a new sister?" to which he paused and responded (looking very confused), "Shanti?!" She said he looked at her like she was out of her mind! In other words, it doesn't feel so new to him and we are thankful. He's laughing with her and commenting on how cute she is one minute and paranoid she's going to actually want one of his Trash Pack Guys or snatch his ridiculous amount of Superheroes. Kind of typical 4 year old meets sibling drama. Knoxism: the other night Shanti moved from our room into her bed in Pryce's room (at her request, yay) and Knox asked, "So can I start sweeping in there now?" to which I replied, "No". He said, "If I was an orphan could I sweep in there?" Buddy you served your time in there! Remember when you would wake me up every 2-3 hours to eat and kept doing that for 8 weeks:) Yep you've served your time! He keeps us laughing and also makes us crazy. All things considered, he's a great bro!
The emotional part is hardest right now. Hour to hour we are kicking along fine but S has been grieving the loss of her friends and past life. She gets sad, frustrated and scared at times. These last few days have been better and a few nights ago was the first time we haven't experienced tears at bedtime. When tears come we encourage them, hold her, remind her with the same message over and over again which basically consists of: we love you, we are sorry, it's OK to cry, we will never leave you, you are safe. You have to imagine yourself losing a whole room full of friends (or sisters and brothers as they refer to one another in her orphanage) all at once and then being placed in a completely foreign situation. Not to mention the past hurt that's been accumulating over the years. Even the concept of Mom and Dad is foreign, at least the true role of a parent. So not only is she experiencing grief and loss, she's also trying to make sense of this new world around her. These times of holding and reinforcing aren't the same as those we experience with our biological children. First of all, we can dialogue with the bio's about their needs (usually they are quick to tell us) but she's still learning English and still learning us! Of course we have moments when we hold Pryce and Knox and remind them of all sorts of things but the trust is already established. We can quickly redirect them without a lot of explanation. An adopted child has no reason to trust. It's not a quick correction but a time consuming process that is no doubt worth it but exhausting. Hearing no is difficult because she doesn't understand that "no" doesn't change the way we feel about her. So after correction and resolve there is more holding and reminding that we still love, value and will never leave her. I can't suddenly fix this or make her believe us, only time can build a wall of trust, brick by brick. A few days ago I was holding her while she cried not knowing what she needed or honestly why she was even crying. It was such a huge reminder to me that our Heavenly Father is the ultimate comfort. "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort who comforts us in all our afflictions so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God." 2 Corinthians 1: 3-4 We can attempt to comfort her because we have been comforted. Through Christ we are in a relationship with God, the Father of Mercy. I want so much for Shanti to truly connect with us, how much more does He want to be connected with us in a relationship where He can Father, comfort and guide us? He is not deterred, overwhelmed or fearful of this parenting gig, we are His and greatly beloved.
So the answer to that question: "Is it going as well as it seems on FB?" You know, yeah, it's great but don't let the Facebook snapshots fool you it's also painful, exhausting, scary, hard and worth it.
Many of you have asked about her English. She understands more than she speaks but will make you think she's tracking with you as she gazes back with the grin:) Her growth in just one month is astounding especially with comprehension.
A few milestones to share:
-She's been sleeping in our room in a small toddler bed. I highly recommend this to families if possible during those first few weeks. I told her she could move into her bed in Pryce's room when she was ready. She initiated the move and it's going well! Pryce's room has officially become "their" room:)
-She really wants to be in the mix with Pryce and Knox! They are starting school this week and she will also be "starting" one day per week. I will accompany her to preschool one day per week for a few hours. The other four days we will work together here at home and enjoy our time together. I don't expect her to be clinging to me, she loves to be around others, especially kids. I'm keeping her home for attachment reasons more than anything else. We aren't in any rush. The school has been amazing as they work with us to find the right fit for her. We are so thankful for our school staff.
-She is becoming more expressive and testing more! We expected that to come around this time. She's 5 after all and we prefer not to raise robots around here. While the testing is at times surprising yet expected we try to balance the structure with nurture (Dr. Karyn Purvis, I love you!:)
-She LOVES swimming. We are so thankful for our friends who've allowed us to pool hop!! The child has no fear when it comes to the water (which terrifies us, we are working on it!). She recently went tubing at the river!
That's all for now. Celebrating almost a month...
G
http://www.lewisfamilyfive.blogspot.com/2013/07/a-perfectly-facebook-life.html
Overall our day-to-day adjustment is going well. The volume of 3 kiddos has been different but honestly the challenge is the emotional energy expended each day not so much the extra volume.
Pryce has been very nurturing and a comfort to Shanti. She's been a huge help to me and I'm thankful for how God has prepared her. She told me after the first week that it's tiring work being a big sister. I told her honestly it's tiring work being a mommy too. That's why big sisters and mommy's need breaks! We talked about ways to give her some downtime. Close friends have been so kind in offering to let P come over for playdates or outings. A few nights ago Pryce was hugging Shanti at bedtime and whispered to me, "Mom I just love her so much" and you can tell. The language barrier has probably been hardest for Pryce because she wants to launch into an American Girl doll extravaganza with S but she doesn't have the words yet to get lost in Pryce's AG, Little Pet Shop or Barbie world! With that said we are seeing Shanti pretend play some so I think it's on the horizon:)
Knox treats Shanti likes she's been around forever (in good and bad ways;). A friend asked him a few weeks ago, "How do you like having a new sister?" to which he paused and responded (looking very confused), "Shanti?!" She said he looked at her like she was out of her mind! In other words, it doesn't feel so new to him and we are thankful. He's laughing with her and commenting on how cute she is one minute and paranoid she's going to actually want one of his Trash Pack Guys or snatch his ridiculous amount of Superheroes. Kind of typical 4 year old meets sibling drama. Knoxism: the other night Shanti moved from our room into her bed in Pryce's room (at her request, yay) and Knox asked, "So can I start sweeping in there now?" to which I replied, "No". He said, "If I was an orphan could I sweep in there?" Buddy you served your time in there! Remember when you would wake me up every 2-3 hours to eat and kept doing that for 8 weeks:) Yep you've served your time! He keeps us laughing and also makes us crazy. All things considered, he's a great bro!
The emotional part is hardest right now. Hour to hour we are kicking along fine but S has been grieving the loss of her friends and past life. She gets sad, frustrated and scared at times. These last few days have been better and a few nights ago was the first time we haven't experienced tears at bedtime. When tears come we encourage them, hold her, remind her with the same message over and over again which basically consists of: we love you, we are sorry, it's OK to cry, we will never leave you, you are safe. You have to imagine yourself losing a whole room full of friends (or sisters and brothers as they refer to one another in her orphanage) all at once and then being placed in a completely foreign situation. Not to mention the past hurt that's been accumulating over the years. Even the concept of Mom and Dad is foreign, at least the true role of a parent. So not only is she experiencing grief and loss, she's also trying to make sense of this new world around her. These times of holding and reinforcing aren't the same as those we experience with our biological children. First of all, we can dialogue with the bio's about their needs (usually they are quick to tell us) but she's still learning English and still learning us! Of course we have moments when we hold Pryce and Knox and remind them of all sorts of things but the trust is already established. We can quickly redirect them without a lot of explanation. An adopted child has no reason to trust. It's not a quick correction but a time consuming process that is no doubt worth it but exhausting. Hearing no is difficult because she doesn't understand that "no" doesn't change the way we feel about her. So after correction and resolve there is more holding and reminding that we still love, value and will never leave her. I can't suddenly fix this or make her believe us, only time can build a wall of trust, brick by brick. A few days ago I was holding her while she cried not knowing what she needed or honestly why she was even crying. It was such a huge reminder to me that our Heavenly Father is the ultimate comfort. "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort who comforts us in all our afflictions so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God." 2 Corinthians 1: 3-4 We can attempt to comfort her because we have been comforted. Through Christ we are in a relationship with God, the Father of Mercy. I want so much for Shanti to truly connect with us, how much more does He want to be connected with us in a relationship where He can Father, comfort and guide us? He is not deterred, overwhelmed or fearful of this parenting gig, we are His and greatly beloved.
So the answer to that question: "Is it going as well as it seems on FB?" You know, yeah, it's great but don't let the Facebook snapshots fool you it's also painful, exhausting, scary, hard and worth it.
Many of you have asked about her English. She understands more than she speaks but will make you think she's tracking with you as she gazes back with the grin:) Her growth in just one month is astounding especially with comprehension.
A few milestones to share:
-She's been sleeping in our room in a small toddler bed. I highly recommend this to families if possible during those first few weeks. I told her she could move into her bed in Pryce's room when she was ready. She initiated the move and it's going well! Pryce's room has officially become "their" room:)
-She really wants to be in the mix with Pryce and Knox! They are starting school this week and she will also be "starting" one day per week. I will accompany her to preschool one day per week for a few hours. The other four days we will work together here at home and enjoy our time together. I don't expect her to be clinging to me, she loves to be around others, especially kids. I'm keeping her home for attachment reasons more than anything else. We aren't in any rush. The school has been amazing as they work with us to find the right fit for her. We are so thankful for our school staff.
-She is becoming more expressive and testing more! We expected that to come around this time. She's 5 after all and we prefer not to raise robots around here. While the testing is at times surprising yet expected we try to balance the structure with nurture (Dr. Karyn Purvis, I love you!:)
-She LOVES swimming. We are so thankful for our friends who've allowed us to pool hop!! The child has no fear when it comes to the water (which terrifies us, we are working on it!). She recently went tubing at the river!
That's all for now. Celebrating almost a month...
G
