Merry Christmas Slide Show

Go to the link below to enjoy a slideshow highlighting our first five months! In no way does this show all the challenges along this adoption journey but it does highlight the joy we feel to have Shanti home this Christmas! 

Merry Christmas! It's been 5 months since Shanti came home!

Giving Thanks

Today was ordinary in many ways. We didn't do our big Thanksgiving feast because Daddy-o had to work so we are saving it for Saturday when my brother and his crew roll in. We had a slow morning. I made our shopping list for the Tday feast, we ate breakfast and watched the Macy's Day Parade.

In other ways though it was extraordinary...

 First of all our friends Jeff and Amanda were finally united with their children in India. They started the adoption process when we did two years ago. We have journeyed with these precious friends and seen how they have handled delays and hardships with grace and courage. We couldn't have asked for more than to wake up on Thanksgiving to see them with A and S. What a gift and answer to prayer.

Secondly, today we started decorating for Christmas. I know many families do this but this year was different. It was Shanti's first time to decorate a tree (or trees in our case, I'm one of those people, can't help myself!). She was so excited, bouncing all over the place. We decorated one for our playroom and a small one that will serve as our Jesse Tree (for now it is covered in our Thanksgiving crafts from school which we put on there yesterday). She was mostly excited though about Daddy getting home so we could decorate the main tree together. She had been chosen to put the star on top of the tree and she reminded me many times throughout the day. As they decorated the tree it was surreal. I looked at Todd with tears in my eyes, there she was after two Christmas' without her. There she was in the flesh holding an ornament I had touched a million times before. For the Grand Finale Todd put her on his shoulders (as he stood in a chair, don't tell our social worker) and she put the star on as best she could. It was precious! She later decided we needed to go w/the angel instead but it didn't take away from the moment in the least. It really just made it sweeter that she could choose and change her mind! It was a perfect day in many ways (which I will gladly accept since I haven't been well...stellar lately:) and we are beyond thankful that she is finally home.

I'm so behind on blogging so here's a quick update: Shanti is adjusting so well, as are Pryce and Knox! We have our days--trust me! I'm adjusting to the demands of three kids, three years apart. I won't lie it's one of the hardest things I've ever done, so hard, so repetitive, so sanctifying! I'm thankful for the support of dear friends, family, and our church. Overall though I'm loving it. I've always been a fan of controlled chaos. We've got the chaos part down baby, now we are working on the controlled part:)

Love to you all! I will try to be a better blogger:) Maybe...

Am I too much to handle?

Lately in my quiet time (when I get it done!) I've been studying Job (I didn't plan this it just happened!). As I wrapped up this quick study through the book the last devotional "God Can Handle You" hit home for me. In Job's grief and anguish his friends kept lecturing him and telling him it's because of this/that he's suffering so they kept preaching and preaching and lecturing.  They were totally freaked out and overwhelmed by all that was happening to Job. They failed to just hear him and sit beside him in his grief. They didn't take the time to truly hear and comfort they just lectured and ranted. First off, this is me! I want to fix everyone! I want to make it better and so I will rattle off advice and my perspective on a situation quicker than crap through a goose. God rebuked Job's friends at the end of the book for this type of behavior. God didn't despise Job's cryings, in fact He affirmed them, even when they were negative and angry. In the end, God told Job's friends they needed to repent and ask Job to pray for them!

This idea that "God Can Handle You" is hitting home even more lately. It turns out that God models for us a love that can handle our anger, handle our rage, handle our doubts, forgive our sin. As I sit here exhausted and reflect on our day I want so badly for our children to know they aren't too much for us (even though I won't lie, I'm feeling beat down at the moment!). S has thrown some intense fits since she got home. Overall she has done very well but when these intense fits come, it's no joke. Sometimes it's because we say no and other times the root is grief and loss. This isn't my first rodeo with fits; big sister gave us some major prep work in this area. I myself can remember throwing a fit or two. I can remember the overwhelming emotions in the moment but I wasn't 5, I will not disclose my age at this point let's just say, WAY TOO OLD (Mama is probably having flashbacks as she reads this. Mama I'm sorry!!). I'm always amazed when a family hasn't experienced a child throwing down so congrats if this is a new phenomenon. Anyway, as I watched S in minute 40 (yes you read that correctly!!)  thrashing around, screaming that she didn't love me, kicking (don't forget the spitting) I was praying and doing everything I could to show her that she's not too much (even though it kind of felt that way and I was overwhelmed with emotion). I tried not to let her see it and instead wanted her to see that I wasn't going anywhere no matter what. My prayer is that God will teach her that we love her even when...even when she says things to hurt us, even when she doubts, even when she's afraid. It's-so-hard. Thankfully these episodes aren't occurring daily anymore (we had a good couple of weeks where it was daily or numerous times a week) yet they are draining nonetheless.

I never leave her during these times but just try to keep her safe and not overreact. In some ways it's good for her to get all this junk out and I try to keep putting myself in her shoes. Again, I remember the emotions behind a fit and I came from a stable, loving home. After the gig is up and it's all over, we share hugs and love and I get the girl some water (because you can work up a thirst with that kind of screaming!!) we go back to the "scene of the crime" as Dr. Karyn Purvis puts it. We complete our do-over or "try again" and then we try to move forward.

The whole thing ended (40 min later in case you missed that) with her willingly in my lap. She sat quietly, tears streaming. All the composure I was able to keep during the 40  minutes found itself grieving along with her. I reminded her (all in broken English) what love really is. Love doesn't stop loving when she shouts at me. Love doesn't give her back when she kicks or says she doesn't love me. I am so thankful for these times of holding and tears and reconciliation after it's over.  BUT. It's hard for it to be "over" in my heart. It's hard to just shake that one off! But then I get the silent reminder about GOD'S GRACE!!!! How much does HE willingly allow me onto His lap after I have bucked and snorted for not just 40 minutes but nearly 40 years! It's so true, so applicable. I (as you know) don't have the perfection of God but I desperately need the Holy Spirit to continue to reveal these truths about myself so that I can love her well. I am so thankful when Todd walks in the door (can I get an amen ha). He takes times the time to sit, listen, encourage and affirm me. He jumps in and we partner through the rest of the day. I am so thankful for him!!

In so many ways we feel like she's been home forever but in reality it's been 8 weeks so it's still very new. Pray for her to trust and believe that we won't leave her and that she is safe. Pray we allow her to feel the intensity of these big emotions without taking it personally. Pray these times build in her the truth that we can be trusted and relied upon even when she's not grinning from ear to ear. I know it's hard to believe cutie pie can throw down in such a way:)

AGAIN, God is teaching us big truths about His character. I'm so relieved I'm not too much for Him. I want to rest in the truth that He can handle a serious rebel like me who wants her own way, wants the easy road, wants to be right, wants to control, wrestles with doubt and the list goes on...

Great milestones in the last month:
-She's in school just a few hours in the morning and loves it!
 -She's warming up to Daddy more. Last night Todd put her down while I slipped out for some girl time.
-All the kids are getting along better. School has helped give them all a break from each other. We've had such huge adjustments between Todd's new job, school starting and her homecoming!
-She went for some routine blood-work (standard for a kiddo just coming home) and was a CHAMP. She earned herself a giant chocolate cupcake from Gigi's and her bravery never ceases to amaze me.

XO,
Gwen

"I'm following you on Facebook, is it going as well as it seems?"

I can't believe Shanti has been with us nearly a month.  In some ways it seems like it's been forever in other ways it's very brand new. A friend told me she's been following us on Facebook. She asked if it's going as well as it seems? To which I replied, "Did you read my blog post about how Facebook will deceive you?" ha.
http://www.lewisfamilyfive.blogspot.com/2013/07/a-perfectly-facebook-life.html

Overall our day-to-day adjustment is going well. The volume of 3 kiddos has been different but honestly the challenge is the emotional energy expended each day not so much the extra volume.

Pryce has been very nurturing and a comfort to Shanti. She's been a huge help to me and I'm thankful for how God has prepared her. She told me after the first week that it's tiring work being a big sister. I told her honestly it's tiring work being a mommy too. That's why big sisters and mommy's need breaks! We talked about ways to give her some downtime. Close friends have been so kind in offering to let P come over for playdates or outings.  A few nights ago Pryce was hugging Shanti at bedtime and whispered to me, "Mom I just love her so much" and you can tell. The language barrier has probably been hardest for Pryce because she wants to launch into an American Girl doll extravaganza with S but she doesn't have the words yet to get lost in Pryce's AG, Little Pet Shop or Barbie world! With that said we are seeing Shanti pretend play some so I think it's on the horizon:)

Knox treats Shanti likes she's been around forever (in good and bad ways;). A friend asked him a few weeks ago, "How do you like having a new sister?" to which he paused and responded (looking very confused), "Shanti?!" She said he looked at her like she was out of her mind! In other words, it doesn't feel so new to him and we are thankful. He's laughing with her and commenting on how cute she is one minute and paranoid she's going to actually want one of his Trash Pack Guys or snatch his ridiculous amount of Superheroes. Kind of typical 4 year old meets sibling drama. Knoxism: the other night Shanti moved from our room into her bed in Pryce's room (at her request, yay) and Knox asked, "So can I start sweeping in there now?" to which I replied, "No". He said, "If I was an orphan could I sweep in there?" Buddy you served your time in there! Remember when you would wake me up every 2-3 hours to eat and kept doing that for 8 weeks:) Yep you've served your time! He keeps us laughing and also makes us crazy. All things considered, he's a great bro!

The emotional part is hardest right now. Hour to hour we are kicking along fine but S has been grieving the loss of her friends and past life. She gets sad, frustrated and scared at times. These last few days have been better and a few nights ago was the first time we haven't experienced tears at bedtime. When tears come we encourage them, hold her, remind her with the same message over and over again which basically consists of: we love you, we are sorry, it's OK to cry, we will never leave you, you are safe.  You have to imagine yourself losing a whole room full of friends (or sisters and brothers as they refer to one another in her orphanage) all at once and then being placed in a completely foreign situation. Not to mention the past hurt that's been accumulating over the years. Even the concept of Mom and Dad is foreign, at least the true role of a parent. So not only is she experiencing grief and loss, she's also trying to make sense of this new world around her. These times of holding and reinforcing aren't the same as those we experience with our biological children. First of all, we can dialogue with the bio's about their needs (usually they are quick to tell us) but she's still learning English and still learning us! Of course we have moments when we hold Pryce and Knox and remind them of all sorts of things but the trust is already established. We can quickly redirect them without a lot of explanation. An adopted child has no reason to trust. It's not a quick correction but a time consuming process that is no doubt worth it but exhausting. Hearing no is difficult because she doesn't understand that "no" doesn't change the way we feel about her. So after correction and resolve there is more holding and reminding that we still love, value and will never leave her. I can't suddenly fix this or make her believe us, only time can build a wall of trust, brick by brick. A few days ago I was holding her while she cried not knowing what she needed or honestly why she was even crying. It was such a huge reminder to me that our Heavenly Father is the ultimate comfort. "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort who comforts us in all our afflictions so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God." 2 Corinthians 1: 3-4 We can attempt to comfort her because we have been comforted. Through Christ we are in a relationship with God, the Father of Mercy. I want so much for Shanti to truly connect with us, how much more does He want to be connected with us in a relationship where He can Father, comfort  and guide us?  He is not deterred, overwhelmed or fearful of this parenting gig, we are His and greatly beloved.

So the answer to that question: "Is it going as well as it seems on FB?" You know, yeah, it's great but don't let the Facebook snapshots fool you it's also painful, exhausting, scary, hard and worth it.

Many of you have asked about her English. She understands more than she speaks but will make you think she's tracking with you as she gazes back with the grin:) Her growth in just one month is astounding especially with comprehension.

A few milestones to share:
-She's been sleeping in our room in a small toddler bed. I highly recommend this to families if possible during those first few weeks. I told her she could move into her bed in Pryce's room when she was ready. She initiated the move and it's going well! Pryce's room has officially become "their" room:)
-She really wants to be in the mix with Pryce and Knox! They are starting school this week and she will also be "starting" one day per week. I will accompany her to preschool one day per week for a few hours. The other four days we will work together here at home and enjoy our time together. I don't expect her to be clinging to me, she loves to be around others, especially kids. I'm keeping her home for attachment reasons more than anything else. We aren't in any rush. The school has been amazing as they work with us to find the right fit for her. We are so thankful for our school staff.
-She is becoming more expressive and testing more! We expected that to come around this time. She's 5 after all and we prefer not to raise robots around here. While the testing is at times surprising yet expected we try to balance the structure with nurture (Dr. Karyn Purvis, I love you!:)
-She LOVES swimming. We are so thankful for our friends who've allowed us to pool hop!! The child has no fear when it comes to the water (which terrifies us, we are working on it!). She recently went tubing at the river!

That's all for now. Celebrating almost a month...
G

Just pics

A picture is a worth a thousand words...

First week as a Family of Five

Well today marks our first week at home! Overall I have no complaints! Shanti is adjusting very well. She's sleeping well at night. She occasionally wakes up tearful but goes back to sleep quickly with some reassurance. In many ways, Pryce and Knox treat her likes she's been around forever. They are really patient with her (and me)! They enjoy doing puzzles together. It allows them to work on a common goal but doesn't require a common language. So thankful for this discovery!!! They had a fun evening playing in the rain a few nights ago which ended with us literally bathing them outside and sending them back into the rain for a rinse:). We've done some painting together, they love bubbles and today we are going to give the pool another try. Shanti likes to color and craft and she enjoys doing educational workbooks which gives her my undivided attention as she works on letter writing. She knows all her sounds and letters (for the most part) and can count to 100 and backwards from 20. Not bad for a five year old by any standard! Todd's mom came to visit which was a blessing and we've had meal after meal from our church family and other friends. Glorious!

Shanti attended her first American style bday party this week! Pryce was excited to introduce her to all her friends. They were so kind to her! At first she was overwhelmed (or either carsick not sure!) but then she leapt into action and fell right in with the kids and other guests. It's fun to watch her experience so many firsts. Turns out MANY of the people at the party have been praying for her and they watched with joy as she experienced Sweet Frog and her first party! Other firsts include: her first haircut (Chelsea came to us, so sweet) and first trip to the library to name a few!

We've been taking pictures in places and with people we see frequently: church, stores, school etc. Someone gave me the idea to post these pictures on a school calendar so Shanti knows where we are going each day. I thought this was brilliant and I'm getting close to completing the project! I'm also working on another project where I'm placing the faces of the family, along with friends who have been adopted from her orphanage, on the state where they live. Grandma came to visit this week and she's unclear about why she suddenly vanished! She knows what a map is and after explaining it she understands better that we are in GA and BG is in MS. I'm not going to underestimate her ability to get it so we are going to give this a try and see how it goes!

Todd started his first week of work in the civilian world. It's been going really well. We've all missed him so much after having him home between jobs. Shanti is slowly warming up to him. Last night they did a puzzle and he read her books. It's sweet seeing her slowly warm up to him. On the way home from India Todd said something I thought was really profound about this adoption journey. He said something like, "I'm understanding God's unconditional love more now. I love her unconditionally yet she doesn't realize it or trust me yet." It was a statement I will always remember and he was so right. God loves us with an unfailing, unconditional love yet we stand skeptical when we are actually beloved. Beautiful.

So that's our first week in the bag. In many way I know we are still honeymooning. The hard thing is we are at home a lot which isn't really my style! Shanti of course wants a lot of my attention as do Pryce and Knox. I've probably heard mom a zillion times, no y'all, a zillion! I'm working to find joy in this opportunity rather than inconvenience. It hit me this week that I can chose to view this season in one of those two ways. The fact that God would trust me, ME, with these three blows my mind and leaves me humbled at the task.

Love to you all!
G and T

Pics

For our non-facebook friends! Finally pics:)